Morning wake up call

This morning started off as any typical morning does - the boys wake up much earlier than I'm ready for, and start the day on fire. They're non-stop from start to finish - while I need time to warm up and wind down. Makes for some interesting breakfasts...

Anyway, the boys and I were nibbling breakfast in my bedroom, watching a bit of TV, when Justin decided to crawl under my bed. That alone amazed me, since I wasn't aware there was any breathable space under there! But he wiggled out, pulling a storage box of pictures with him. When the novelty of the box wore off and he went back to being Justin, I quickly rummaged through the box. There were some fantastic pictures in there - I even found the envelope of pictures that were used to make our wedding video!

But the thing that woke me up was in this silver photo album, engraved with the words of our wedding invitation, that was given to us by The Gang. It's filled with all the pictures taken with the disposable cameras we had on each table. As I looked through the pages, I marveled at it all. We had so many people there - so many people who love and care for us. So many people who were having fun celebrating the special day. Then the reality hit - - - of how things have changed over the last 10 years. There were so many faces that aren't around anymore - - - some have moved on to bigger and better things, some we've lost touch with. Some that have passed on - Nana, Auntie Vi, Diaz. What impacted me the most was how many marriages have fallen apart. On a quick glance I counted 5 couples that have since been divorced. I know there are a few more couples in our lives that weren't pictured that have also gone their seperate ways. It really made me think about my life - about where things stand, and where things need to be. About what's really important.

Things have been kinda rough lately - but it's all getting better. I hope as the little things fall into place, the bigger things will start to follow (or at least be a bit easier to put into place). Life isn't something that can be thrown away like trash, put on a shelf like a book - life is something that needs to be lived, and lived in the best way possible. I think I realize that now - and I think I want that now.

This is what happens...

...when I do laundry...

Crazy Cats

This might make me borderline "crazy cat lady"... but I'm willing to take the risk!

Art by me - words by Jacob.

This is just sheer boredom on my part...

Treasure Hunt

One of Jake's favorite shows is Disney's Little Einsteins. He loves the classical music - he loves the art. And he LOVES the adventures. We have a video that has the episode "The Treasure Behind the Little Red Door" - - - I guess he got inspired by that and began going on treasure hunts around the house. While Justin was napping, Jake and I drew up our own treasure maps - and went on a hunt in the cul-de-sac. I've never had such an easy time climbing volcanoes and crossing oceans!

Is it really THIS cold?

I'm wondering if someplace really hot has frozen over...

Justin is playing in the living room by himself - neatly and quietly.

Jacob is picking up his room - quietly and somewhat willingly.


I'm not sure what to do with myself!!

I know why hamsters eat their babies...

Let me preface this by reminding ya'll that I love my boys. I really do. And as much as I have days when I'd like to send them to Siberia, I know my place right now is home with them. But lemme tell ya - today, I realized once more why hamsters eat their babies.

If ya get 'em while they're still small and cute, they don't stick around to make you TOTALLY INSANE!!

There must have been something in the water or the air or the atmosphere or the solar system. Something that got into their cute little heads and turned them into monsters.

Justin hit the terrible 2's in full force - - - and he has totally perfected the art of the tantrum. His favorite activity of the day was to climb on the dining room table and throw EVERYTHING off. I'd remove him and place him at the OPPOSITE end of the house, only to find him hauling his tush back down the hall, laughing all the way - and returning to the top of the table. But my favorite of the day? Chapstick art. Yup. Let's just say that I'll no longer start a load of laundry knowing my blessed Burt's Bees pomegranate lip blam is on the table... Still trying to figure out how to get that out of the nice couch...

Jake is too smart for his own good - I think we established that long ago. However, the smartness because a real issue when it turns into defiance. No parent likes to hear "NO!" from their child - but after today, I'd settle for something that simple! Jake couldn't just say the word - he had to demonstrate it in a number of ways. He'd cross his arms across his chest, harumph in the most dramatic fashion, and turn his back. He'd write N O in the air with his finger and go back to what he was doing. He'd stand rod-straight, draw a circle with a line through it (like a no-smoking sign) and shake his head. Or the best? A strong proclamation of "I WILL NOT PARTICIPATE!" It was almost 3 before I managed to get him out of his PJ's! I gave up trying to get him to put his Legos in the case when he started throwing them at me...

There are days when I feel like I'm not cut out to be a mom - that I'm dooming my kids to a lifetime of therapy. Sometimes I wish I was more like the uber-moms you see on TV or read about in books. I get sad when I feel so frustrated with the kids. But then I look at them... ...and I guess they don't seem to tasty after all.

Kitchen Therapy

Some people engage in retail therapy - - - my chosen route is kitchen therapy. When I'm twitchy and unsettled, I cook. Which works great in this house - I cook, the men eat. And all is well...

Today was a twitchy day. I wanted to cook from the moment I woke up - thankfully Jakers wanted a "falled egg" (really a scrambled egg, but I told him it's what happened when Humpty Dumpty fell...) Obviously, that didn't cut it - so I had to resort to reading cookbooks till Jake went to school and Justin napped. As soon as I had the time, the spree began...

I started with my second batch of homemade ketchup. While that was simmering, I made some Cinnabon muffins - half for us and half for the neighbors. I had some time to waste while those were baking, so I decided to make some bread! I try to make fresh bread myself when possible, and I had the chance to get the dough ready to go... Once Jake was home from school, I made up some fresh buttermilk biscuits and chicken stew for the neighbors - all from scratch. Right now the bread is baking and smells HEAVENLY.

Unfortunately, the kitchen looks like a bomb hit it...

Off kilter...

Ever wonder why you do some things? Things that may seem like a good idea at the time - then once they've played out, it's a total catastrophe... I did something like that a few weeks ago, and ever since then, I've regretted it. I feel like I should have kept my mouth closed - I should have just kept my thoughts to myself and kept on pretending I wasn't having a hard time. But I kinda hoped by reaching out, it would help me get better. Instead, it seems to have made things worse. I think I scared off a lot of people - I know friendships go both ways - but now I'm scared to say anything more and come off like a total nutjob. Maybe no one knows what to say - hell - even I don't know what to say. I'm just sitting here feeling off kilter - lost - and sad. I really try every day to get myself better - to get myself out of the hole I've dug - and there are moments when things seem good. But sometimes I wish I'd just kept quiet and continued pretending. Oh well.

Sweet Baby T

So some of ya'll know I think incredibly highly of my neighbors S & L. They have 14 kids between the 2 of them - some biological, but mostly foster children. Usually with highly complicated medical needs. Since they've been my neighbors, they've adopted little Miss M - Jake's bestest friend. And this past year, they adopted V & B - twin brothers who started off with the cards stacked against them. Today, Miss M is a silly little 6 year old who is Jake's partner in crime - - - and V & B are thriving 2 year olds... when they were never expected to come home.

This past winter, sweet baby T came to join the family. I don't know his whole story - but suffice it to say he was premature - with a lot of complications even before he entered the world. I have only had the chance to see his sweet face twice -but that mommy gene in me just reached out to him. Having 2 very active little men, it's so comforting to be able to hold a sweet, round-faced little cherub who just looks at you and coos.

Unfortunately, sweet baby T is having a rough time. He had been battling some respiratory illness for a few weeks - which resulted in RSV. Last weekend he was admitted to CCMC and put on a ventilator. Over the past week there were some ups and downs - - last I talked to S&L, all was on an up. So when I saw everyone home this afternoon, I felt optimistic that the wee one was doing well. Not the case.

Seems as if he not only is battling the RSV, but has staph and strep infections in both his lungs and bloodstream. He had to be placed back on the ventilator - and has been given yet another dose of a highly-powerful antibiotic. S is a strong woman - and today, I heard fear in her voice. Even though he's "just" a foster child, I know there is tremendous love for this little man - -- I can only pray he pulls through...

After a day like today - when Jakers and Justin made me nuts with their kidlieness - - - I'm so thankful that they *can* make me nuts. Even though they made a total disaster of Jake's room, I'm so thankful that they had fun together - so much so that their screaming made the cats go crazy! Justin's tummy troubles with milk may be stressful in my world, but I know that I'm lucky he eats like he does. I guess one just has to look at what one has, and be glad...

A few changes...

It's been about 2 weeks since my last post, and I've done a lot of thinking. I need an outlet for me - I need an avenue to share my life, not just the family's life. I guess since I'm the author of thise blog, I can make it what I want - so I'm taking a new direction. Please let me know you thoughts!

Taking a break...

Just wanted to pop on to let ya'll know I'm going to be taking a break from this blog for a while. I don't have the time or energy to keep up with it like I'd like to - so I'm going to take a little blog vacation. I haven't felt much like sharing things - - - so when there's something worth sharing, I'll be sure to let ya'll know.